To Have And To Scold (Blog related to Domestic Violence Awareness Month)

 First off, I would like to start by admitting that I am in NO position to provide advice on the subject of domestic violence.  Me offering advice would be extremely hypocritical. So, although I can not provide an answer or resolution, I can share my experience (s) being on the receiving end of a love that hurts!

It always seems to start off the same way. A push against the wall turns into a shove on the floor. That progresses into a slap on the arm, which then turns into a punch.. Before long, it become hands around my throat, and the next thing I know...There is a gun pointed at me with the voice on the other end of the trigger yelling 'Bitch I will kill you!'

From the outside everything looked wonderful. We were 'so in love'. Our relationship was envied by anyone who saw us. The truth? My children were on 'alert'. Each having a different number programmed into there phones of who to call in case things ever got 'out of control'.  A friend of mine given a name and number (with the disclaimer not to ask me WHY I was providing her with this information) of who to contact if 'you don't hear from in X amount of days'.

No one knew. The numerous bruising on my legs, arms etc. were always written off as me being an 'easy bruiser' (which is actually true).

The saddest part of it all? I have not been in one abusive relationship, not two, but THREE. Domestic violence hits home for me more that people will ever realize. In fact, people don't realize it at all. I have always been seen as the woman that will leave a man at the drop of a dime. I have always been seen as the woman that was so strong and independent.

But in reality, There have been many many times when I have felt like eventually this person is going to kill me. Whether he means to or not. There have been many times when I have contemplated shooting my self so as to not give the man the satisfaction of shooting me.

I always tried to make sure they were never witnesses to any abuse done to me but unfortunately, my constant attempts to get out of the house rarely ever worked. So I talked to my children regularly. Determined to make sure they understood that what the may see or hear is NEVER the way a anyone should be treated and NEVER the way a person should treat another.

Again I will say, without saying too much, domestic violence hits closer to home more than people know, and again I will say that I will in no way be so hypocritical as to provide advice to others, But what I can provide is empathy. The knowing that you are not alone. And hoping that others will be stronger than I!

Battered Again

Dark rain fall on me
savage cries spell frustration
loss tangible and thick
like spoiled cream

Spilled tears to fill a well
misery loves my company
fists swollen in disbelieve
eyes drowned in sorrow

What love has no pain
a lie told yields no comfort
bruised with affection again
loving it no more

-Poem by Dragon Blogger


Resources:
National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−SAFE (7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224
National Domestic Violence Hotline

Amazing Grace!! (Blog related to Breast Cancer Awareness Month)

I am 37 about to be 38. 3 Years older than I expected to ever be. I never thought or expected to ever see past 35. In fact, on my 35th birthday I was surprised by a phone call I received from my step mother reminding me of how important that birthday was. It wasn't just my 35th birthday, IT WAS MY 35 BIRTHDAY. The day I never expected to see.

My mother died when I was around 5. She died of breast cancer. Something that I was very familiar with. She fought with breast cancer probably since before I was born. She had many fights with breast cancer. She put up a good fight, but not good enough.

I remember my mother very well. Her favorite color was green, her favorite candy bar was a Snickers, her best friends name was Tranz, she was a Mathematics Major, loved to play Scrabble, work the New York Times Crossword Puzzle, and would curse at the drop of a dime!

I could still remember the layout of her bedroom, what side of the closet she used, what jewelry she had in her jewelry box. Education was extremely important to her, in fact she worked with me so much that I was able to skip first grade and move right into second.

I also remember the first time I saw her without a bra on. As an adult THAT day still plagues me. Not because she only had one breast, not because the scar on the left side of her chest, where a breast used to be, was horrible, but because I never asked her why she was disfigured. I automatically knew. I had lived my entire life, at that time, watching my mother struggle with breast cancer.

The day my mother finally lost the battle, I didn't cry, I didn't feel anything at the time. My step father told me my mother had passed away, I said 'OK...can I have my lunch money', went back down to my room and got dressed in  jeans and rainbow shirt, went next door to my neighbors house and waited to go to school.

I was not surprised. She had given up! She fought the battle so long that she couldn't fight anymore and by the time she died, cancer had taken over her entire body. She had died weeks before and was brought back, so to hear that she was gone forever was....expected.

Cancer, especially breast cancer, is a thorn in my family's side. To date I am the only woman (with the exception of my 2 girls) in the immediate bloodline of my mother still alive.

By the age of 35, My grandmother, mother, and all three aunts had either died of breast cancer or was fighting breast cancer.  ALL of those women are now gone. breast cancer is so strong in my family, I was advised at the age of 12, to have my breasts removed once I stopped developing. So, I was not shocked to learn at age 26, that I have the BRCA1 breast cancer gene. But by then, I had already expected, in fact was waiting for the day when I am told I was breast cancer. I had already decided that when that day comes, that that was not going to be a fight I was going to have! No chemo, no radiation! I don't want to do it.

I am now 37 almost 38. That day has yet to come. I am more shocked at that then anything else. I don't know why I have yet to get breast cancer. I don't do self  breast exams (other than the exams my husband gives me), although I should. I have had only one mammogram, and to be honest, have probably abused my body more that I should have.

I don't understand why It hasn't happened to me yet, and I think It probably worries my family more than me. But, what I do know is that my mother is with me every day.And that she is the angel that watches over me and has made it possible for me to live as long as I have.

I was born on December 7, 1973. But I don't consider December 7th to be my birthday. I considered it to be hers.

R.I.P. Emilie Jean Burroughs

DAMN SURE Not Easily Broken!!!

I have always considered myself , not as a rock...but as a boulder. I can take what anyone throws at me, and deal. But even boulders chip away when hit with too much at one time.

People are struggling right now. People are really hurting right now. And everyone, whether they would like to admit to it or not, is kind of going through similar storms right now. Whether your storms are financial, marital, health issues, employment, 'UN'employement etc. We are ALL weathering the same storms.

So, in the midst of MY storms, I would like to remind you, and maybe myself too, that like every storm...this too shall pass.

I read this today:  Middle-aged women are the most stressed-out people in the country

It's no surprise that people are stressed out these days. We're juggling our jobs, financial problems, and parenthood, our families and relationships and heath issues. But of all of the people in the United States, new research shows, one group stands out as the most stressed: women between the ages of 45 and 64.

According to data released today by the Gallup-Healthways Well-Being Index, women in that age range have the lowest well-being of any age group, regardless of gender. And experts suggest that the problem actually starts much earlier.

Women age 35 and up are more aware of their own mortality and less able to physically rebound from stress the way they used to, explains Thea Singer, author of "Stress Less: The New Science That Shows Women How to Rejuvenate the Body and the Mind". "We also have that 'sandwich' role, parenting our young children and caring for our aging parents."

Throw in our careers and a struggling economy, and those stress levels skyrocket.

Chalk some of it up to supermom syndrome and that elusive work-life balance. "We thought we could do everything, and do it really well," says Singer. "Then you get older, and you get to mid-life, and think, 'Maybe I'm not really doing any of that really well.' And that's another stressor." All of that stress takes a toll, not just mentally, but physically as well.

"Women that are excessively stressed have very high cortisol levels," Dr. Holly Thacker, director of specialized women's health at the Cleveland Clinic, told ABC News. "Many of them scrimp on sleep to put [first] all the dominions of work and home and care giving and everything else that they're doing for everyone else. So with not enough sleep, not enough time for exercise and good nutrition and high cortisol stress levels, you know it's a recipe for a metabolic disaster."

Not all stress is bad for you, though. "Acute stress—short term, intermittent stress, or 'challenge' stress—is actually good for us," Singer points out. That includes physical activity like exercise and even sex. The problem is when stress becomes constant, and you don't have a chance to recover.

Suggestions for stress-busting abound, but the bottom line is that women have to make a conscious effort to take better care of themselves.

"Like the old adage," Thacker says. "When you're flying on a plane, put your oxygen mask on first before you assist others."

We, as woman, take on a lot of stress. Now that is not to say men don't, but this is about women. WE CAN NOT LET STRESS, the stress that we put on ourselves,OR THE STRESS THAT OTHERS PUT ON US get the best of us.  Always remember that we are not easily broken!