Random Thoughts, Craziness, and Quickies
A statement was made to me a few days ago in response to my problem (that I have stated quite often) of 'shutting down' "...You have to get at the heart of WHY do you shut down."
I probably thought about that statement 50 times since it was posed to me just a few days ago. Which in itself is somewhat funny, because it is not the first time I have heard that very same statement.
My problem is, however, that I don't know the 'WHY'. I remember, in detail, people, places, events (little good, mostly bad) etc. from childhood. BUT, I have no 'emotional' memories. Except one (which I didn't really remember until about 4 years ago).
The only 'emotion' that I can equate to my childhood was Guilt. I don't know why, and it wasn't related to any malicious act that I was involved in guilt that, honestly, wasn't even MY guilt! But I remember that the 'emotion' was a major factor that played the biggest role when it came to my 'detachment' was Guilt. Not the minimal guilt that may last for a short time, but gut wrenching, heart breaking guilt, Guilt that made me physically ill. Guilt that overtook much of myself.
So my question? How do you correct what you don't understand?