Saturday, September 10, 2011
However, I am what you would call something of an 'uncommitted artist'. Meaning, I have a serious problem committing to any piece of work. The last drawing I finished was a portrait of my mother I did in high school. My collection of drawings since then seem to consist of a lot of unusual drawings, often 'dark' and all unfinished.
I have written pages and pages of poetry, all probably within a 4 month period, about five or so years ago, and haven't written anything since.
Over the years I have probably started several pieces of jewelry however, after being left unfinished for months at a time, end up with lost pieces, broken items, etc. that ultimately end up in the city dump somewhere.
I realized one day during my short time in college, while sitting in my 2 hour art class which took place at 8:00 pm every Wednesday night for 6 extremely long months, why I was not able to sketch out a single drawing I was satisfied with. I no longer was fun. I cant be artistic when the art stops being a hobby, and starts being a requirement.
Needless to say, when that hell of an art class was over I didn't pick up a pencil or paint brush for at least 8 years.
Same with poetry. When poetry was something I did just for myself, the words seemed to flow freely. When poetry became something being requested of me, the words were harder to grab, less fluent. It would take hours to create what once took minutes. If you check out 'The 'P' Spot' which includes my poetry in chronological order, you can probably notice that the later writings seem to be a lot more 'forced' than the earlier.
Once something reaches a certain point in its process, which usually happens right around the half way point of completing a project, where the project somehow transitions from a hobby and becomes something that puts me right back in that college art class with that same feeling. ITS NOT FUN ANYMORE.
I call it the Lynn Syndrome. (for those of you who have ever seen 'Girlfriends' then you are aware of who Lynn Searcy is) The Lynn Syndrome, is this desire, almost the need, to constantly have your mind stimulated, always be doing something, but unable to finish anything. The constant need to be learning something but never commit to one thing. You constantly bounce from one thing to something else. You go hard in the beginning but when the point of enjoyment is over your done. And when your done, YOUR DONE.
There was a time some years ago, when I had this very strong desire to teach myself the Spanish Language. So, in the Lynn Syndrome fashion, one day i went out and spent close to $500.00 on various Spanish learning aids. I went hard in the beginning learning as much as I could....for about a week. Then that desire faded, and I put the books down AND NEVER PICKED THEM BACK UP.
The same cycle was repeated with my craving for Comparative Religions. At one time, I had in excess of 15 Bibles of varying translations, several Qur'ans, a number of books on Buddhism, Hinduism, Sufism, and even a book on Dianetics and Fundamentals of Christian Science. All, of which have remained untouched except for that first few weeks where all I did was eat, sleep, and dream Comparative Religion.
So I am at a crossroads in my life. Again a seed has been planted in me and I now desire, almost yearn, to go back to school. For something....Anything.
My problem is, nevertheless, I am afraid that I cant commit. I fear that once the excitement of being in a class wears off, so will my desire to go.
So this blog (and my other two companion blogs) is my solution. Blogging is great and provides a wonderful outlet for someone like me who cant ever stop thinking, and always has so much to say, but never says it. This blog and the others will prove to myself that I am able to commit, to Something.
If I can continuously blog, even during times when I may feel like blogging at that moment is a chore, and I can do this for at least a year, I will then enroll in school.
But, in the meantime, I will continue to hope that something will hold my attention long enough for me to actually finish it, and for the moment I seem to have a great desire to go back to jewelry making.
So, I will be making jewelry, and blogging. I cant guarantee the jewelry making will last, but I damn sure am not going to stop blogging